Pretentious Ass Spends Entire Election Day Posting on Social Media, Forgets to Vote

Ummmm... no you didn't.

Ummmm… no you didn’t.

NOVEMBER 4, 2014—As polls closed on this mid-term Election Day, a self-described “online activist” eventually realized he had missed his chance to vote after spending the entire day posting pointless rubbish on social media.

“It simply got away from me,” he said. “I started the morning googling inspirational Thomas Jefferson quotes, then got embroiled in a conversation about voter ID requirements. After that, I regurgitated a few campaign memes from my favorite candidates, followed by a story on reported voting machine malfunctions in some backwater swing district, and then BOOM—down the rabbit hole I went.”

As he sat at his breakfast nook reading live-streaming election returns, wearing little more than the same boxer shorts he had on yesterday, he realized he had spent the entire day in an inane online echo chamber of haughty self-aggrandizement, without ever actually going to his local polling location to cast a vote.

“It wasn’t a total loss,” he assured himself. “I reached out to each and every one of my Facebook friends as they posted their online ‘I Voted’ sticker. So I did technically support the democratic process.”

“Granted, not in any tangible or even remotely effective sense, but in my own special way.”