You Can't Handle the Truth - 222
Hal Wastes His Wages
February 26, 2007
 

Yeah, I made a good amount of money on Hoboken St. Patrick’s Day--at least I used to, before it became such a headache.

While certain members of the community may deem it unsavory, it has been legal to own and operate a bar in this country since December 5, 1933. However, to this day it remains one of the most scrutinized industries in the land. The smoking ban already hurt this industry, and as bar owners are now required to make their patrons smoke outside, neighbors are complaining to the bars about an issue the bars had opposed in the first place. Now that's being compounded by the city attempting to limit hours of operation on this ONE DAY--a day where they are absolutely guaranteed to make money, and these precious hours of operation translate into thousands of dollars--bar owners are beginning to wonder when and where it's going to stop.

An attempt was made to restrict opening hours this Saturday to 11 a.m., but that motion failed in City Council. So another city official reportedly had his own little meeting with the bar owners, strenuously suggesting anyone who opens earlier than 11, despite their legal right to do so, will face extraordinary scrutiny on Saturday. Furthermore, the Hoboken Hospitality Association has arranged for individual establishments to contribute from $500 to $1000 each, “to offset the costs the city incurs that day, including clean up and port-a-johns.” Putting yourself in the position of the bar owner, and you can see how dizzying and infuriating these issues can be.

Yet while residents primarily complain about issues and events that take place outside the realm of the bars, the city's knee-jerk response is to scrutinize the bars even further. The result is an increase in the very situations that the public was complaining about in the first place. Now that the bars are under the gun, most people have house parties or simply attempt to drink in the street on parade day. You see, the bars have systems and personnel to deal with these people. In a town where bar staff can’t call on the authorities without fear of incurring a fine, most places are experienced in handling the various situations presented by a drinking public.

To paraphrase Col. Nathan R. Jessup (A Few Good Men), “I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for St. Patrick’s Day, and you curse the bars. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That St. Patrick's Day, while messy, probably saved (financial) lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, stops trouble. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall.”

On March 3rd, when you see that guy puking in your front yard or urinating in your hallway, keep in mind there was a time when he'd be in the bar instead, and we’d deal with it. For the most part, bar owners and bartenders are some of the most civic-minded, generous individuals in the community. Bars are often the first to open their doors and wallets for various fundraising events—from hurricanes to heart transplants, tsunamis to sick children, citizens can count on the bars for support. By and large, we are also among the most vigilant when it comes to policing the community, and should be viewed as an asset rather than an issue. Personally, I resent this continuous brow-beating, and hope people can find something more constructive to occupy their conscience, rather than fretting and blustering over ONE DAY A YEAR.

“I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bottle opener, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”

Oh, and for the record, I won’t be working behind the bar that day--it’s just not worth it anymore.

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