Hoot-boken's Finest - 244
Hal Wastes His Wages
November 19, 2007

Welcome to Hoboken--birthplace of Baseball, Frank Sinatra and home to a now infamous SWAT team. Yes, the Mile Square has once again been put on the map thanks to our boys 'n boobs, I mean boys in blue and their apparent indiscretions on a hmm… humm… hummer… sorry, humanitarian mission to the ho… hore… I mean hurricane ravaged Gulf Coast. See--the Hoboken SWAT aren't the only ones guilty of losing focus when thinking about a trip to (gosh, will the innuendos never end?) The Big Easy.

Hell, even the AP ran with the story, and upon viewing the incriminating photos of our police force at play, my initial reaction was that of shock and disdain. I figured I would jump in line with supervisors and elected leaders and wag my finger in disgust at the inappropriate actions of these officers. I would discuss my friends and family who have committed their lives to civil service, and point out how incidents like these erode the public's confidence and unfortunately challenge the integrity of those who actually respect the uniform they wear. I would even get on my soapbox and say something completely overblown and preposterous, going as far as to compare pictures like these to PFC Lynndie England's infamous photo shoot, and how the backlash over the foolish actions of a few undermined confidence in the force on the whole and their entire mission.

But I figure the HPD doesn't need to hear that from me. Plus I realize I've got a few embarrassing photos of my own out there and to have them come to light after some bogus pronouncements would do nothing more than make me look like a hypocritical fraud--apparently others "chiefly" involved never thought that far ahead…

Let's face it, we've all been there. You're out having a good time, blowing off some steam after a hard day's work and things get a little out of hand--it's natural.

However, in a case like this I have but one question for our boys: HOW DID YOU GET CAUGHT?!?!

You're the police, for $*@%sake! Don't you how this can come back to you? Hell, even the dumbest frat boy at an unaccredited junior college will tell you that you need to get rid of photos ASAP. You take the shots, show them to your friends the next day, then destroy them. Everyone shakes their head in disbelief when all those punk kids who get caught vandalizing property get prosecuted for more based on the photographic evidence found by… wait for it… the POLICE!

C'mon fellas, you’re better than that.

And sure, the Hoboken SWAT team went partying in the Deep South on my dime, but despite all the bluster and false opprobrium, at the end of the day I'm just pissed off I wasn't invited. We could have worked together to spin this thing: "Oh, sorry--there was a typo on FEMA's memo which read that our mission was 'searching for Hooters' not 'searching for looters.' Damn FEMA--they're so incompetent."

BAM--Just like that, problem solved, buck passed, next question…

Anyway, hopefully Hoboken's Finest will remember these kind words of support the next time they catch me doing something stupid--because I'm not sure how far I'll get offering to pose spread-eagle on the hood of their squad car…       

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