The Sanctimonious Christmas Column
- 272
Hal Wastes His Wages
December 15, 2008
“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host
praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good
will toward men.”
--Linus, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
Actually, I think Chuck Schultz may have borrowed that line from somewhere, but
it really seems to encapsulate that whole “true meaning of Christmas” vibe.
Since its initial airing in 1965, pop enthusiasts have long referenced “A
Charlie Brown Christmas” as one of the stronger statements against the
over-commercialization of the holiday season. The timeless classic was initially
brought to you by the good people of the Coca-Cola Company and is now available
in a special collectors’ edition on Amazon.com for $26.59.
It’s a glib understatement to say every now and then our culture loses sight of
the holiday spirit, and perhaps this year is blurrier than most. With
omnipresent concern over the spiraling economy, people are voicing concern over,
of all things, the cost of holiday gifts. Yet that didn’t stop a few intrepid
souls from camping out all night in a Long Island Wal-Mart parking lot and
trampling a man to death so that they could be the first to score a deal on a
flat screen. I’ll say that again--they trampled a man to death for a deal on a
television. Let that sink in for a minute…
As is the case, anything that might be construed as an indictment of the holiday
season is immediately met with blanket characterizations, similar to the way we
call anti-war protesters “un-American.” So I feel a need to say that contrary to
popular belief, I am not a complete Scrooge. I like actually enjoy
Christmas--but by that I mean I enjoy December 25. As for the build up, I have
to admit it’s hard to get behind. In a previous column I wrote that I’d be
willing to bet if He knew just how much of a tacky, overly commercialized
aggravation His birthday would become, Jesus Christ never would have told
anybody when it was.
But see now I have a kid, which somewhat complicates the situation. Rather than
rail against the season and all it’s trimmings/trappings, I guess I have to
rally and get on board, at least to a certain degree. Otherwise my curmudgeonly
approach to yuletide will resurface in some therapy session circa 2038, and I’ll
be a terrible father.
On the topic of holiday memories, there are a series of commercials currently
running where the characters’ childhood selves are recalling the best present
they’ve ever gotten, only to have those memories supplanted by their brand new
Lexus (fat $*@%!*& chance in this economy). Yet when I think back, I don’t
remember any outstanding presents--not that I didn’t get them, of course (I used
to be a very good boy, making Santa’s Dean’s List from ’74 to… oh… about ’89 or
so…). I remember being happy with what I got, but I can’t recall exactly what
the gifts were. The memories that do stand out are more along the lines of my
mom baking cookies, or my great-grandmother cooking Christmas Eve dinner or
cutting down the tree with dad or watching my sister’s eyes widen as she opened
her presents. Believe it or not, all that hokey, Norman Rockwell stuff is
actually what shines through in the end.
Well, that and a lot of socks and underwear, which ironically is all I really
want this year as I’ve got everything else. And the kid, well I’ll probably get
him some obligatory trinket, but he’ll likely be more concerned with the
wrapping paper than the actual gift.
In the past I’d worry myself sick that I hadn’t gotten to all the parties or
bought enough gifts or spent enough money on friends and loved ones, to the
point that my holiday season was nothing but a blur of ulcers on top of my
hangovers. With the kid in tow nowadays, I’m not hitting too many parties, and
the ones I do hit tend to hit back with the compounded wallop of a new parent’s
sleep deprivation. As for presents, I’m sure I could point to the economy as a
reason for not breaking the bank, but fact is I just don’t see the point. It’s
not the gifts that matter, it’s the thought. It’s the pleasure of being in the
company of loved ones. It’s going for a stroll specifically to enjoy the sights
and sounds of the season. It’s taking one day out of 365 and appreciating it.
It’s the genuine, whole-hearted dream of peace on earth and good will towards
men. It’s all that sappy, feel-good tripe every other sanctimonious Christmas
column has ever been written about.
And it’s about socks and underwear. No joke--I really need socks and underwear.
*******************************************************
Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/bitter bartender, writes a biweekly
humor column for The Hudson Current and websites in the New York Metro area. He
spends a lot of his time either in front of or behind the bar in Hoboken, New
Jersey where his tolerance for liquor grows stronger as his tolerance for
society is eroded on a daily basis. Feel free to drop him a line at
c_halleron@yahoo.com
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